Well tomorrow is a big day in our household...probably the biggest change we have had since we brought little Miss Madeline Grace into the world. She is going to Kindergarten. I have been crazy blessed to be able to be with her every single day for five years and watch her grow into the incredible imaginative curious young lady that she is. Tomorrow will be a much harder day for mommy than Madeline, and again for this I am thankful. Wouldn't it be terrible if it was the other way around? I realize so much in this moment that this is the beginning of a life long journey of letting her go. And OUCH....it hurts. Don't you remember those times as you grew up that your mom cried over say songs like "Watercolor Ponies" or Kodak commercials? And you never could understand why? To my beautiful sweet Mother, I apologize as I am now tearing up at the lady changing a baby's diaper in the restroom...yeah I am that crazy! HA!
I have never for one moment taken Madeline for granted. For those of you who know me well, know I was told I would never have a baby of my own. That if I tried at the very least, I would go blind. I remember watching friend after friend have a baby and have such a terrible heartache for motherhood. I also chose a career path that surrounded me daily with children. I remember watching people drop of their babies at daycare as early as possible and pick them up as late as possible so they could go play tennis and do lunch. I remember very well vowing that if I ever was blessed enough to be able to adopt a baby...that I would pour my heart and soul into those years before Kindergarten (And of course the years to follow). I remember working for the State of Tennessee in the Department of Children Services and working cases that are to horrific to even mention here. I remember splitting up families of children to make sure that they had a safe foster home to go to in the middle of the night. I worked in an inner city preschool and watched family dynamics that is still hard for me to understand. All of these places in my path.....made me know that one day when I had a child of my own that I would never take it for granted. And that simple thing has been the biggest blessing in my life.
I will never forget the moment that Madeline was born. For many reasons. Hearing that tiny innocent sweet newborn baby cry....holding those tiny fingers and toes. And you know what...all the things the doctors had thrown in my head for years were proven WRONG. I was looking at my healthy baby girl. I had been told she would go to the NICU and I would not get to hold her. WRONG. God had bigger plans. I thank him for that.
I thank God for these past five years. I thank my husband for these past 5 years. If it wasn't for his dedication and love...we could never have been able to make this work. Mark I love you and can never thank you enough. I am thankful for my mom and dad who made it possible for my mom to stay with us all those years. And it is because of my mom that I do know I will be okay. I am so thankful for her example and pray I can be even half the mom she is.
So as we send Miss Madeline out into the big world of public school tomorrow, I will be so happy knowing she is going knowing how loved she is and that she is ready to take on this world. Mommy will probably cry...a lot....but its only because I love.....a lot.
